...is not now done in those sorid "dens of crime" that dickens loved to paint. It is not done even in concentration camps and labour camps in those we see its final result. But it is conceived and ordered (moved, seconded, carried, and minuted) in clean, carpeted, warmed and well-lighted offices, by quiet men with white collars and cuttingernails and smooth-shaven cheeks who do not need to raise their voice. Hence, naturally enough, my symbol for hell is something like the bureaucracy of a police state or the offices of a throughoutly nasty business concern.

- C.S. Lewis

Wow. What a statement. Why is the world the way it is? Why are there so many injustices, and who bennifits from them. As horrible as I think my life can feel at times, really I have so much privlidge. I just watched the movie Chakra which is about a family living in an Indian slum. The police come around and randomly arrest people, and beat old people. One man who is deathly ill has no money for medicine and ends up killing a pharmacist out of desperation. If the drugs were free, two mens lives would be saved... I went to the doctor here because I felt sick and it cost me $70 for a check up.

Just imagine being poor in America?

There is a homeless man who lives in the alley behind my work. No matter how much I try, I am still scared of him. I have never talked to him, and he has never bothered me. I see him everyday, twice a day. He just sits in the alley all day. He doesn't beg, he just chills out. He always looks like he's thinking.

Yesterday I brought carrots with me to work. As I approached the alley I thought of giving them to him. When I approached him my heart skipped, but then he quickly looked away, almost as if he was more scared of me. I didn't give him the carrots. I feel so aweful that I couldn't get over my fear. Really if you look at power on a societal level, it makes sence that he would be afraid of me........ I could call security, the cops, and he'd be out of that alley in no time flat. That alley is his only home.

I feel so trapped by my own socialization.

I've got one week left in LA. Part of me wants to go out and explore the last refuges of the city. The other part of me just wants to stay inside, listen to jazz, and read. Either way I can't wait to get back to Toronto!