TIGblogs - Lisa Campbell

hey carmen,

where did all of this thinking come from? it's like you are playing our conversations on this subject over and over again in your mind. i guess i must have been really bitchy and self-righteous about it at the time. i don't want to make excuses for my actions. i just want to say that i acknowledge the racism that lives inside of me. it is a part of my culture, and no matter how much i can break it down, it still manifests itself in so many ways. i'm sorry that i didn't acknowledge your identity in a way that you felt respected. i'm glad that you can be honest with me so far away from the point of contact.

i've been in this fog of depression ever since jesse left. it's really hard being on your own. trying to see what your boundaries are when there are no boundaries. what do i need to be happy and to keep my body healthy? no one else is helping me out, i'm all by myself so i got to make it happen.

right now i'm listening to a 37 year old man coming down off ecstasy rant about his family and life to his sister on the phone. so much drama. my life is okay. at least my parents aren't on crack. at least my little sister isn't selling drugs. i get sad and then i recognize how lucky i really am in the larger sway of things.

i am surrounded with wires which function to make things communicate with each other to produce media which will ignight positive reactions. this media is seen as empirical truth. really it is just an interpretation of reality.

carmen this week i hung out with people who are richer than my parents. jesse's uncle is the head of one of the largest clothing companies in america. he's the nicest guy. problem is that they outsource labor to the lowest bidder. they're fueling global capitalism in the name of market competition.

i've been reading about slavery and how while a white american might not have owned slaves they still benifit from slavery. i feel like we're all in the same boat right now, poor or rich or whatever. we buy cheap cheap stuff at target or wallmart or ross or in china town, and we feel like we're getting a deal. really it's all made in sweatshops where being in the union could mean getting your eyes gaged out. meanwhile, this charming man who is taking us for rides in his convertible and taking us out for seafood, is supporting this system of hate and destruction. let's not even start with environmental stuff. how can such a nice person do such bad things. he probably lays the blame on the countries, or the factory owners. he probably would make his garmets somewhere else if it was "competitive" enough. but it's not. and he's not doing it. and i don't know if he cares because i am too afraid to ask him. Who do we blame when we're all complacent?

Okay I should get to work. I'm going to watch footage from the immigration protests.

peace,

elle.