...is not now done in those sorid "dens of crime" that dickens loved to paint. It is not done even in concentration camps and labour camps in those we see its final result. But it is conceived and ordered (moved, seconded, carried, and minuted) in clean, carpeted, warmed and well-lighted offices, by quiet men with white collars and cuttingernails and smooth-shaven cheeks who do not need to raise their voice. Hence, naturally enough, my symbol for hell is something like the bureaucracy of a police state or the offices of a throughoutly nasty business concern.

- C.S. Lewis

Wow. What a statement. Why is the world the way it is? Why are there so many injustices, and who bennifits from them. As horrible as I think my life can feel at times, really I have so much privlidge. I just watched the movie Chakra which is about a family living in an Indian slum. The police come around and randomly arrest people, and beat old people. One man who is deathly ill has no money for medicine and ends up killing a pharmacist out of desperation. If the drugs were free, two mens lives would be saved... I went to the doctor here because I felt sick and it cost me $70 for a check up.

Just imagine being poor in America?

There is a homeless man who lives in the alley behind my work. No matter how much I try, I am still scared of him. I have never talked to him, and he has never bothered me. I see him everyday, twice a day. He just sits in the alley all day. He doesn't beg, he just chills out. He always looks like he's thinking.

Yesterday I brought carrots with me to work. As I approached the alley I thought of giving them to him. When I approached him my heart skipped, but then he quickly looked away, almost as if he was more scared of me. I didn't give him the carrots. I feel so aweful that I couldn't get over my fear. Really if you look at power on a societal level, it makes sence that he would be afraid of me........ I could call security, the cops, and he'd be out of that alley in no time flat. That alley is his only home.

I feel so trapped by my own socialization.

I've got one week left in LA. Part of me wants to go out and explore the last refuges of the city. The other part of me just wants to stay inside, listen to jazz, and read. Either way I can't wait to get back to Toronto!

this weekend has given me a new hope for life. well it seems like everyone here in the united states of america thinks that the world is about to end and that we're facing armageddon i have been so blessed this weekend by the kindness of strangers. just when i was about to give up on LA as being a cool place to be a number of totally cool things went down!

friday night was bhangra night at the music center. it was so amazing being there. this amazing woman named betsy, who is the co-director of the fowler musuem and an ex-ballroom dancer, drove me down. it was fun hanging out with her and the dancing was a blast. it was a very eclectic crowd ranging from old school boogaloo pioneer jazzy j to indian families who brought picnics, and lots of funky couples and young singles. i danced my legs off, and had fun smiling and groving with all of the beautiful people. the instructor was amazing! i want to take more bhangra classes if i can.

saturday was chilling. i ended up hanging out with this strange little dude who walked on the beach with me and bought me lunch. i couldn't figure out why he did, but then later i thought that it might have been because he was german. either that or he was nice. either way i got my reperations! the food was amazing, and i even got a mariachi song.. guadalajara, guadaLAjara, GUADALAJAAAAAAARAAAA! que buenisimo. i noticed that he was dropping yiddish a lot. kind of like how white people drop ebonics to prove that they're down for the cause. when i got home it was already late afternoon and i went swimming with my neighbours. they make crazy performance art. i don't know if i understand quite yet, but i like the colour green so i'll plug them anyways! we ended up sneaking into the other neighbours pool. we were so hot, but when we jumped in we discovered that the water was even hotter!!! they heat the pool. who does that?

anyways so much more has happend... i went to see an audrey hepurn movie, went to a hollywood building conservation volunteer studio party, drank wine, and now i'm home just chilling. what a crazy weekend.

no manches.