so this week in toronto we've had the hotdocs festival, which means night after night of free movies for students. lots of people are graduating and celebrating. a few nights ago i caught a hotdoc at the bloor cinema called kike like me.

kike like me is a post-modern diasporic approach to jewish identity. as a new group of secular / assimilate jewish youth integrate themselves into society, how do they relate to their jewish identity? how are they seen in the world? does the world really hate jews?

filmmaker jamie kastner points out his fingers: look at all the people who hate us! these people love us so much and exotify our culture. damn some jews do some really crazy things! what if i told you i was jewish? at the end of the film in the audience question and answer session he made lots of sarcastic jokes about anti-semitism an arabs. PSYCH. jokes guys.

the thing that made me mad about the film was that they didn't go to east jerusalem. they showed a bit around aliya (when jews immigrate to israel) and how sub-standard the absorbtion centers are. wow, so israel really isn't paradice, but what about right next door to the suburban jewish refugee camps, how do their neighbours feel about jewish identiy? the filmaker stated that the film wasn't about anti-semitism and that he didn't want to fish for something that is already a so obvious responce.

i really question this suposed anti-semitism. for me the greatest impact on my jewish identity is my experience as a human rights observer in palestine. in my time there i met so many kind people, who despite my being jewish accepted me, took me into their homes, told me their stories. i was able to say sorry, i wanted them to know that not all jews support the occupation. i heard stories of walls seperating communities. i rubbed the stumps of bulldosed olive trees. i listened to sound bombs pierce the crisp night air, waking up slumbering babies. i saw that jews were fighting to maintain stolen land. etiyayullayullaocupation musta marraaaaaaaa.

my arabic slips out like a rusty nail, la, yullah, sallam alecham, bukra enshalla, enters spanish with it's hebrew jajajajaaaaaaaaaaaas y ojalas. yiddish mishmashes with tiquismo chalango oy vey que dicha guey. my jewish identity lies infront of a bulldoser in the west bank, slowly shoveling gravel over an olive orchard. my jewish identity lies in the shores of the new world, running a small jewlery shop in buenas aires. my jewish identity forgets it's mother tongues, and eats up it's surroundings. parlez vous fraces?

this is my identity: post modern diaspora.

so i'm home, how anti-climactic. this weekend is going to be a whirlwind of acivity, but so far things have been slow slow slow. i am slowly unpacking, slowly recollecting friends' numbers, slowly hitting up all the old spots, slowly reacustomizing my taste buds, my tongue twisting framiliar syllables, etc. i'm single, for the first time in years. i've got my costa rican love, but he lives in costa rica, aka not toronto. jesse and i have decided to just be friends for the time being which is sooooo good. i know that he is horrible for me, and that we need to not be together, but i'm so used to being in this city with him. he is my partner in all affairs, so being in toronto without him by myside is kinda boring. what i really need is a solid dose of girlfriends. this will all happen tomorrow night, as it is the freedom clothing openning, and then amon tobin right afterwards. things will get better, i have faith. right now being in toronto is just cold, rainy, and boring.

today at work something happened that touched my heart. for the last 4-months i have been working at defensa de niñas y niños internacional - costa rica on their website, as well as helping out with office tech support. i'm in the last days of my internship. the website is almost ready, and i am over my head trying to get all the ebooks and ebulletins up before my time is over here. the website is now online finally for the whole world to see!

so here i am sitting in the office, up to my ears in last minute details, and we get a phone call. silvia my workmate looked stressed. she was motioning towards me, and trying to communicate something that i couldn't understand. finally she wrote it down: she is crying. i ran to the other room to get karin, who is a trained social worker. she sat right beside me and started talking: calm down my love, what's wrong... you know your life is worth more than that... your children must be worried about you.. have you taken any drugs... what happened my love.

there i was, working away at the website and totally absorbed in graphics, and css, when this was going on right beside me. and then it struck me, this is not just about making something pretty. it's about communication. it's about someone out there finding the dni website, and knowing that they can call and get help. that there are programs in their community, and that there are people out there working to make change.



that's why i am here.

well, the obvious answer....




B L O G !








everything is coming to a close. i hate endings, i'm so bad at them. i have no where to live in san josé. i have a huge amount of work to do tonight, and i need privacy and tranquility to get it done. i am freaking out at the thought of leaving. when i get back i have to finish my thesis, and then it's straight from that to intensive french boot camp, straight into my masters. it is all happening so fast.







if i blink will it be over?